This will make WAY more sense if you read this post here Just a suggestion 
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“What do you mean, We already are?” Jason asked, his expression dumbfounded. “Where did all these tests come from? Why are they all positive?” The last word caught in his throat and came out as a high pitched squeak.
“I bought them, I took them, and they all, ALL, turned up positive. As to how…well, I have no clue”, Becca snarled, her emotions ramped up by the anxiety she’d been dealing with since taking the tests. She stormed past Jason into the kitchen. In stunned silence, Jason followed. At the doorway he paused, took a deep breath and said,
“Becca. Becca, talk to me. I need to know the truth. If there is someone else…I get it. I don’t make the kind of money we need to qualify. I wish you would have been open about this. I would have understood…I would…” a sob caught in his throat and he stopped, staring at her with wild eyes.
“You think I cheated? After everything we have gone through, everything we have dealt with. The doctors, the tests, the constant disappointments…you think I would just give up on you, on us, just for a baby?” Becca’s voice rose another octave as she continued. “How dare you? How.Dare.YOU!”
In her fury she whipped the mug she was holding into the sink with a deafening crash.
“I DON’T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED! I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T…” she shrieked and then collapsed into fresh tears. Tentatively, Jason stepped over to her and wrapped his arms around her violently shaking shoulders.
“I’m sorry”, he whispered into her hair. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorryI’msorryI’msorry…” The words ran into each other becoming indistinguishable. For a moment the only sounds were his whispered mumblings and Becca’s convulsing sobs.
“What are we going to do, Jason? Everyone knows we didn’t qualify for a license. I can’t hide a pregnancy forever”, Becca looked him full on, tears glistening on her lashes. “Will I go to jail? I’ve broken a law! The Law. What would happen to the baby if I have to go to jail?”
Her pupils widened at another horrifying thought.
“What if…what if they terminate it? What if they take my baby away? Oh my God, what if they take my baby away!” She whispered frantically. Her hands instinctively fell to her still flat stomach to protect the fledgling life inside.
“I don’t know. I’ve never heard of anyone getting pregnant without getting a license for the procedure to be reversed. However, that doesn’t mean it has never happened. Perhaps it’s something that isn’t spread around in the media…” His voice trailed off as he considered the implications of what he just said.
Becca stood and began pacing the room.
“But how? How could I become pregnant? I’ve been told over and over since I was a teenager that the chance of becoming pregnant and carrying to term was slim to none, even with the procedure reversed. And I know the procedure was done and done correctly. Both of us had to have that tested when we initiated the process for the license. What’s changed? What’s…”she stopped abruptly. “Lillian. I have to go see Lillian.”
“Lillian? Who’s that?”
“The woman from the judge’s office. The judge who declined our license. Don’t you remember? She came out and spoke to us”, Becca leaned against the sink and stared out the window. Her voice took on a dreamy tone as she continued. “She…touched me. And something…changed. I don’t know if she can help but what do I have to lose?”
Spinning around to face him her eyes gleamed with determination.
“Nothing,” he said. “And everything.”
This week’s Red Writing Hood prompt asked us to focus on dialogue. In fact, the entire piece was supposed to be just dialogue, not big paragraphs of description. I quite like dialogue and I think I do pretty well writing it…but you be the judge.
Intense! I could feel the emotion and was instantly caught up in the story! Love the flow and I love the story premise – fantastic!
I think it flows really well. Great story, keep it coming!
I wanted to let you know my blog moved! You can now find the Dandelion Wrangler at http://www.FlorabyLaura.ca Stop by anytime!
OMG! You have me so hooked! What happens next? I will definitely be back to find out. Great writing. Glad I found you, practically a neighbour!
So gripping! Can’t wait to see what happens next.
I thought the dialogue was great and flowed really well and I love the premise behind the story. Intriguing.
Fabulous, the dialogue flowed perfectly. I too can’t wait to find out what happens with Lillian.
I’ll be following Elle’s story!
I love where this is headed. I hope this is part of a larger work that I can read eventually because I enjoy these kinds of dystopian stories.
I’ve built up quite a bit of the story already. See the Elle’s Story tab at the top
Wow powerful and intense. The thought of having to have a license to have a baby just scares me and saddens me that there would be that much control over another human’s body.
I think the dialogue rang true. There was definitely a sense of urgency
Looking forward to reading more – I want to know what happens, and more about the mysterious Lillian.
Excellent argument, lady. And this plot is ever so interesting. There is some hint of the Handmaid’s Tale here.
totally intrigued by this—and whomever made the Handmaid’s Tale comparison?? SPOT ON! very cool!
Very interesting, and I like how unique the story is. I think you did very well with the dialogue. Glad somebody likes dialogue
Very intriguing! I want to read more!
Wow. I had to go back and check out some other pieces to satisfy my curiosity.
Just wow. Very Handmaid’s Tale-ish.
Shudder.
I am completely pulled into this story, found myself reading faster and faster to find out what would happen (even coming in “in the middle” of a continuing story, I was hooked!) Great job. It’s brilliant.
I’m hooked! Can’t wait for more!
I love sci-fi and magical realism, and it seems like I might get both with these characters. You did a great job of conveying a lot of information in a short time from the cheating to the fear all the way through the the determination.
Hi! Loved this story! I want more. Will there be a continuation??? I hope I hope. New follower here. I’m convinced.
Fabulous!
thanks. There is quite a bit actually. Just click on the page marked Elle’s Story. It’s not all in order and I’m missing stuff but it gives you the gist
Excellent! I am loving loving loving this! I think I read all the posts that go with it but I’ll double check! Looking forward to more!
I’m hooked!
Very intriguing! I’m not done with the story though. I want to know what happens next! I want to know more about this society! Well done!
You got me, I need to know what happens next…
I kinda liked the “I’msorries” It rang true. This entire piece rang true…solid nonverbals, and a distinct voice for each character.
What a great scenario! You have me hooked in for sure.
Definitely had me wanting more….next installment next week?
Have to know if she keeps the baby!
I am so thoroughly involved in your story. Will she keep the baby? What is going to happen to them? I really do want to know more.
My only issue was when he repeats “Im sorry” over and over. I think it was redundant to repeat the words making them closer and closer and then to state the words were spilling over each other. Its apparent in the first instance, repetitive in the second.
I want more.
thanks for the critique. I’m bad with saying TOO much at times…I need to invoke my inner Hemingway